Television for the
physically shot. Ever watch the evening network news? Brian Williams,
Katie Couric and Charley Gibson are either hazardous to health or their
broadcasts reach a whole new demographic, the “I feel better today than
yesterday but tomorrow doesn’t look so good, crowd..”
In days past when one suffered the crummies, you
bedded down for the duration with a hot water bottle and a glass filled
with ice cubes and 7-Up nearby. Maybe today sickies just watch
newscasts.
TV news in the afternoon is not a television staple
in my life. It’s a time better used for meaningful activities, like
golf or gin and tonics. But a couple of weeks back, for reasons I know
not, life found me at five in the afternoon staring at a network
newscast. The commercials were something else. Forget about ads for
Chevy, Ford and how to buy real estate with no money down, today ads in
the news seem keyed to folks with bodies in serious medical disrepair.
Then again, maybe the happenstance trip into the
world of high cholesterol, escalating blood pressure and headaches
galore was not the norm. So last Friday I tuned in to all three, ABC,
NBC and CBS, in a channel changing frenzy to determine if network
newscasts were TV shows aimed solely at the ill, the maimed and the
infirm.
The ABC newscast featured a commercial lineup
starting with a grey haired lady extolling the virtues of Reclast
(fights osteoporosis) followed by an ad for Glucerma. (It’s breakfast
cereal for diabetics.) Then came Breathe Rite Strips (stops snoring),
Lanacane, (stops itching), Ambien CR, (knocks you out at night), Aleve,
(stops back pain), Flomax, (helps go-go guys cut down on the go) plus
Nasonex. (stops allergies or so said the animated bee with a British
accent pitching the pill).
CBS led off with Aleve, not only does it stop back
pain but if the commercial is to be believed, also teaches one to dance,
then Gidget (Sally Field) explained how her life is wonderful thanks to
Boniva (osteoporosis), an animated guy doing chin ups stopped long
enough to explain CVS pharmacies protect customers from bad drug
interactions, and then came a real highlight. A commercial aired
featuring some poor schlep walking down the street followed closely by a
hospital gurney. (One can’t invent this stuff). An announcer explained,
“If you’ve had one heart attack you’ll probably need the hospital bed
because another one is on the way, unless you take Plavix”. No scare
tactics there.
NBC featured the usual suspects plus a Metamucil ad
(“it beautifies your insides”..yuck!), and a schoolteacher desperately
needing Sudafed. NBC did take the cake with the absolute Oscar winning
commercial of the day. A very handsome grey haired man stared deep into
the eyes of a most beautiful gray hair lady while bold letters across
the bottom of the screen read, “Which one is wearing dentures?” While
Fixodent may be a great product, should one get involved in a lip lock
and worry about loosening dentures while smooching they’re obviously
hooking up with a kisser way outta their league.
But the basic question remains, are regular news
viewers in physical disrepair before they click on the tube or is what’s
happening between the commercials causing a pandemic?
