Curse of the B's

More than two decades later I’m still fighting a losing battle against the B’s.  Why oh why can’t they see the error of their ways and accept the fact that life should be lived A style.   

Curse of the B’s 

10/10/82 

     It’s time to come to the defense of another downtrodden minority.  During the past few years there’s been a constant slandering in print and electronic media of the Type A personality.  Supposedly, a Type A is an individual with a time fetish, a person under constant self-imposed stress who refuses to relax and takes the world much too seriously.

     The opposite of the Type A is the Type B.  And the B’s we’re led to believe, are just wonderful.  Medical propagandists will inform you that B’s smell the flowers, pay attention to the children and help old ladies across the street.  Type B’s go through life calm, cool and collected.  They live to a ripe old age while A’s hurry their way to an early grave from heart attacks and stroke.

     It’s also the prevailing opinion that Type A’s are much more prevalent among the male of the species.  Should we make such a generalization about women it would be called sexist, but it’s OK to brand men without regard to race, religion or chest pain.

     Well I’m here to tell you there’s nothing wrong with Type A’s that elimination of B’s wouldn’t cure.  Ninety-nine percent of what’s wrong with the world is caused by B’s.

     Show me a Type B and I’ll show you a dip.  For instance, Type B’s read a party invitation, make an appointment, or agree to meet you for lunch, all at a specific time.  Then they show up anywhere from 15 to 45 minutes late and give you a blank look of astonishment like they can’t understand what you’re all worked up about.  They just smile and claim to have just “lost track of time.”  How can anybody lose track of time?  The Japanese upset the balance of payments by selling six gazillion wristwatches everyday in the United States for $7.99 and B’s claim to lose track of time.  Why bother to set a time if you can’t keep track of it?  If Type B’s are always going to be 20 minutes late, why don’t they make a mental note to get where they’re supposed to be 20 minutes early so they will always be on time?  But Type B’s never think that creatively.

     And Type B’s are also the ones who take nine items and cash a check while standing smack dab under a sign saying, “six items or less” at the supermarket.  B’s also drive side by side down city streets at 15 miles an hour while I’m trying to get around them because a meeting starts in 7 and half minutes.

     It’s the Type B’s of this world who are responsible for planes being late and because the plane is late A’s miss their connecting flight.  B’s are the same people who take 30 minutes to put their boots on and then decide to have a cup of coffee before the first run while the A’s wait for them at the bottom of the ski hill.  B’s are also notorious for deciding to re-arrange their purse while sitting ahead of you in the drive-in teller line at the bank.

     Type A’s, on the other hand, are the good people of the world.  A’s bring order to chaos, accomplishment to effort and purpose to life.  And they could do those jobs even better if B’s would get the hell out of the way.

     The least B’s could do is meet the A’s halfway.  Since A’s go through life continually accommodating the B’s why can’t we have at least one “A” day a week?

     On “A” day the line at the post office will move with military regimentation.  The person behind the counter will never have to yell “Next” because on “A” day people will be at his window immediately. 

    On “A” day everyone will get to the football game on time.  There will be none of the B’s showing up after the kickoff and making the A’s stand so the B’s can file, ever so slowly, to their seats causing the A’s to miss the first play of the game where the guy runs 80 yards for a touchdown and the A’s missed the play because the damn B stopped to watch while standing in front of the A even though the A got to the park 30 minutes before the game started.

     And if you think the last sentence was too long, you are a type B.  B’s are into commas, grammar, spelling and sentence structure.  A’s just want to get the message across and move onto other things.

     A’s are writers.  B’s are editors.  A’s are doers.  B’s are picky, picky, picky.

     I’d go on in greater detail about how wonderful A’s are but all this talk about B’s has my head aching and pulse rushing.  There’s also this slight twinge in my chest.