July 14, 2004
License Plates

Green and white.  Two colors that should be the law.  Let the Thursday through Tuesday columnists detail and discuss minor matters like “Fahrenheit 9/11” or whether the founding fathers real purpose in drafting the Declaration of Independence was to ensure a Mesa County shade tree mechanics right to keep a ’57 Nash Rambler on blocks in the front yard until “I get around to fixin’ her one of these days.” 

Ah but on Wednesday morning, that’s when we get to the meat of life’s major problems.  Like a discussion of the continual mongrelization of Colorado’s license plate.  The state legislature has an obligation to put a stop the on the hues of red, blue, purple and brown populating the bumpers of Colorado vehicles and return us to the golden days of yesteryear featuring the green and white plates God intended for our “Mile High” state.  Don’t bother asking for proof the Almighty decreed green and white for Colorado plates.  Just have faith it is so. For those leaning toward a Darwinian theory of the universe just know in Colorado green and white plates are integral to life’s natural order.   

There’s little disagreement with the Colorado State Patrol decreeing the change from green mountains and white letters to green letters and white mountains.  Or was it the other way around?  Anyway, Smokey Bear said the change was necessary because whatever way it was, was difficult to read.  

So explain “designer plates”.  First we suffered the white no mountain designer jobs.  Bad beyond belief they featured blue lettering, the exact shade of a flu victim’s skin. That sorry hunk of a whiter shade of pale was finally abandoned for today’s three shades of green, some blue, some white, some itty-bitty mountains designer number appearing to be a copy of Nebraska’s.  

Now I’m not a citizen of the “Cornhusker” state, a fact sitting atop my “Count Your Blessings” list, but the Bugeaters are entitled to have any license plate they desire. Still the old red and white Nebraska license plate truly represented all the exciting qualities possessed by our neighbor to the east.   You know Big Red football and, well, Big Red football.  Today’s Nebraska plate features a flat landscape, three shades of orange, some sand hill cranes and the sun.  This is not representative of Nebraska but some Shangri-La like Kansas or South Dakota.  Colorado, not to be outdone, has issued an equally unimpressive “designer” plate.  After all these years the new slogan for our state seems to be “We Wanna be More Like Nebraska.” 

Green and white.  It’s Colorado’s color combination.  Our state can still print “Respect Life”, “Fire Fighter”, “Growing Your Future” or any other special interest message on the plates but they must be green and white.  Are you aware Colorado has a pinkish-purple number saying, “Adopt a Greyhound”?  What?  Don’t send e-mails about the value of greyhound adoption.  My Connecticut sister adopts greyhounds.  But even she doesn’t think they need a license plate. 

 I’m sure none of us wants to know what went into Colorado bureaucrats authorizing a blue green plate with “MTV Real World” printed on the bottom.  And on the subject of unanswered questions why does the “no mountains” green and white Colorado plate say, “Truck” at the bottom?  Like we would think the pickup ahead was a mini-van if not for  “Truck” being printed on the plate? 

Some color associations are beyond perfect.  You want the Green Bay Packers to wear different colors than green and gold?   What if the Yankee black and white pinstripes gave way to Colorado Rockies slo-pitch purple tops?  Or Tiger wore pale blue on Sunday.  Add Colorado green and white plates to that list. 

If Colorado legislators really desire to improve our quality of life, in the next session they’ll make green and white the law of the land between Julesburg and Mack.  And while they’re at it, a rider on the bill returning the Bronco’s to orange would be much appreciated.