February 2, 2005
Don't Discuss It

Don’t discuss it.  The rules of columning dictate certain subjects as off limits. Never poke fun at a religious denomination, political party or sexual preference in which you’re not an active participant.  Also off limits are written jabs at minorities (Iowans excluded as they have no anti-defamation league), negative discourse on academic tenure and senior discounts.

But rules are made to be broken.  So I ask why senior discounts?  Oh price reductions are indeed one of life’s pleasures but just for the geezer group?  When my economic status desperately desired stuff for less was way back between ages 16 and 26, a time in my life featuring way too much month left at the end of a paycheck.  But discounts always seem to be reserved for those long in the tooth.

And they’re not transferable.  I was in line at a local fast foodery.  One look at my bald noggin and wrinkled brow prompted the very nice lady behind the cash register to volunteer, “And you qualify for the senior discount.”  Behind me stood a fuzzy faced teen and in this age of “pass it forward” I volunteered, “Oh, give the discount to the young man behind me.”  Au contraire. “I’m sorry but that’s not permissible under company rules.”  Puzzled I asked,  “Why’s that?  If I pay full price, why can’t the next guy have my discount?” Again she informed me  “Because sir that’s against company rules.”  “Well” I wondered aloud, “How much was my discount?”  “42 cents” came the reply.  So into my pocket I dug, fishing out a quarter, a dime, a nickel and two pennies, which I handed to a very puzzled youngster standing behind me waiting to order his burger.  “Is this okay by company policy?”  I asked.  “Well, I suppose so” said the by now not quite so nice lady while giving me a stare that said, “What in the world did I do to deserve you in my line”. 

I’ve never grasped the concept of a senior discount.  It takes as much hot water to wash my car as it does the wheels of a guy 40. Why do I get a break solely based on my time on earth?  He’s probably father to three kids, two with braces on their teeth, is staring college tuition in the face all the while being saddled with a mortgage that would choke a horse.  All of that is behind me.  And if hunger strikes causing you to visit a restaurant between four and six in the afternoon, why is it just we geezers eating for less at that hour? 

But many folks, mostly those in their autumnal years, find the senior discount sacrosanct.  “You don’t know what it’s like to live on a fixed income.”  I don’t?  Never was my income more fixed than at age 23 earning the princely sum of $375 a month at a Sioux Falls TV station. 

Back in my “work for a living” days, our radio station annually took folks to Branson, Mo on a country music tour.  Between shows we were dining in an Ozark restaurant and I was espousing my theory on the wrong headedness of senior discounts to obviously mixed reviews.  In the middle of the monologue a complete stranger well past the age of 50, she had been sitting at the next table, tapped my shoulder while heading for the door, “When it comes to senior discounts” she almost shouted, “Why don’t you just keep your damn mouth shut.”