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January 18, 2006 |
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In the words of “Caleeforneeya” governor Arnold, “Hear me now and hear me good.” It’s a geezer world and those of you under age 60 are oh so lucky to live in it. Think I’m kidding? Just look at the feature entertainment at the Super Bowl halftime in a couple of weeks. Not Eminem or 50 Cent, forget about Linkin Park and Mariah Carey, this year it’s world’s oldest rock n roll band, The Rolling Stones. Way to go NFL Pooh-Bahs. At the season’s biggest game nothing says, “Are you ready for some football?” like 4 geezer Brits who wouldn’t know offside from roughing the quarterback. In today’s television what are those housewives so desperate about? Me thinks their frustration comes from an inability to get “up close and personal” with the current King of TV, 74 year old Regis Philbin. His daytime TV shows with Kelly Rippa plus a primetime gig as host of the new and improved (right) “This Is Your Life” weren’t enough, Regis even had a best selling Christmas album. And in the world of super-heroes who’s front and center? None other than 65-year-old Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night-light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. As much as John Wayne is a cult figure to boomers, so is Chuck Norris, the man who kicked butt weekly as “Walker, Texas Ranger”, to the under thirty set. The CBS series may have ended back in 2001 but Chuck, the unsmiling dude who on a weekly basis delivered roundhouse kicks to all the bad guys in Texas, lives on in the hearts of young America. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Norris, according to an article on all things Chuck by Paul Farhi in the Washington Post, has been mostly absent from the public eye. The actor, known as The Great Stoneface, one critic called him the stiffest guy on TV since Ed Sullivan, had a cameo role in the movie “Dodgeball” and a two-hour “Walker” movie last October, but is now most frequently viewed on the tube in an infomercial for Total Gym. To star in a commercial for fitness equipment and have an extremely healthy twenty something beauty queen stare into your eyes and plaintively ask, “What can you do for my lats?” is pure fantasy to any mid-60 geezer, but for Chuck Norris it happens with un-ending regularity, usually on Saturday and Sunday morning and every evening after midnight on even the most obscure of cable channels. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own. What wellspring is responsible for this Chuck-a-rama in our land? Late Night with Conan O’Brien has been on the “Chuck-wagon” for almost two years and there’s www.4q.cc, a website from where the italicized “Chuck fact’s” in today’s Milieu were cheerfully lifted. Chuck Norris counted to infinity—twice. The creative “Top 30 things you never knew about Chuck” are a giggle. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there. Tomorrow morning alpha males, lucky enough to be over 60, should see not wrinkles and thinning hair when staring in the bathroom mirror but look closer and see themselves as Chuck Norris, All American hero. Wilt Chamberlain claimed to have slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. For Chuck Norris that’s a slow Tuesday. Go get ‘em Chuckster. |
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