December 27, 2006
Resoluting
for those too busy

Christmas is past, the New Year just ahead.  It’s resolution time.  And for those folks who either forgot or are much to busy to resolute, the Milieu is here to help. 

Tom Cruise and Katy Holmes resolve to ask the world to let them live as a normal family away from the public eye.  This resolution, complete with color pictures of their baby, will be sent by the TomKat public relations firm to over 500 newspapers and magazines including the New England Journal of Medicine and the Burpee Seed Catalogue. 

The brain trust at Colorado’s favorite 527 pac, the Trailhead group, promise in the upcoming election two years from now it will be no more Mr. Nice Guy. Next time the gloves are coming off.   

All Nebraskans resolve in 2007 to achieve the two most important goals of any Huskerland citizen.  1) Cheer Big Red on to a national championship and 2) Be a Husker fanatic without having to live anywhere between Ogallala and Omaha. 

It’s also resolved that in 2007 all rhythmically challenged husbands will ask their family doctor to prescribe Viagra.  TV commercials for the “Pfizer Riser” make it apparent the most immediate benefit from ingesting the little blue pill is all men instantly become better dancers.  You see it right there at the end of the Viagra commercial where the wife is so excited to be dancing with her husband, in time to the music, she has a smile from ear to ear.  Any people that can bestow a sense of rhythm on “couldn’t find the beat with a shovel” males truly qualifies as a miracle drug. 

Littleton Representative Tom Tancredo resolves to this year take the Dale Carnegie “How To Win Friends and Influence People” refresher course. 

The Colorado Rockies resolve to do more for their fans in 2007.  Ignoring the criticism for trading away one of their best pitchers, Jason Jennings, rather than pay the going salary rate, the Denver baseballers are committed to using some of the money saved in the salary dump to provide more spectacular fireworks shows at selected games this year.  At the same time the Rox are unveiling their new motto for 2007, “Winning is highly over-rated.”

Speaking of slogans yesterday the folks owning the Denver John Elway dealerships, in maybe the dumbest marketing move since “new” Coke, have changed their name to GO.  And if TV ads appear, replete with slogans such as “I Gotta Go”, “We Went to Go” or “Go to Go before their Gone”, I resolve to ask the state legislature to approve capitol punishment for copywriters. 

Contributors to the Grand Valley’s equivalent to the Algonquin Round Table, “You Said It’, resolve to avoid appearing quite so erudite in 2007.  This will only be accomplished if the contributed thoughts to the weekend Sentinel feature are limited to words of less than one syllable.