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June
28, 2006 |
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Don’t buy this book unless you want to become known as a person to avoid at all costs. Oh the intentions are fine. According to the Denver Post a new book “Cocktail Party Cheat Sheets” allows the conversationally challenged to become a cocktail party magnet with the entire guest list hovering and hanging on their every word. According to co-author, Will Pearson, by memorizing his conversation bon mots one becomes the MIP (most interesting person) at any gathering. Like “Russian revolutionary Vladimir Lenin didn’t spend all his time converting the country to communism. One of his favorite hobbies was sharpening pencils, which his brother noted was done with a ‘sort of special tenderness, so the letters came out like delicate threads’.” Be truthful, how quickly would it take you to work your way clear across the room from that conversation starter? Or, “You’re drinking a martini. Originally called a martinez, back in the 19th century it was a shot of gin, two shots of dry vermouth, cherry juice and a lemon slice. Around 1900 the recipe was changed to more gin than vermouth and the cherry juice dumped enabling the alcohol a quicker delivery time into your bloodstream. Details are sketchy on when or why the olive was added, with some conjecture being so wives would encourage husbands to have a second so they could munch on the olive.” Take this as gospel, among the people walking the earth there are those born with an excess of trivial knowledge between their ears. Like, oh say, me. While sometimes stumped trying to recall the names of daughters, grandchildren and where I live, the starting outfield for the 1946 St. Louis Cardinals is no problem. (Enos Slaughter, Stan Musial and Terry Moore) Unfortunately, most people classify these factoids as being more than they want to know. About anything. Ever. At a social gathering last week, mention was made of attending a Jimmy Buffet concert. I offered, “Did you know Buffet’s sister is the third wife of novelist Thomas McGuane?” The Buffet fan, looking down at his glass, greeted this tantalizing tidbit by mumbling, “No, I’d missed that. Guess it’s time to freshen my drink.” Oh sure people say if they’re ever a Millionaire contestant and need to “phone a friend” for a trivia answer expect my number to ring, but long distance seems about as close as they want to get. Like at the potluck where a stranger mentioned owning a Honda motorcycle. And I, wanting to participate in the conversational flow, offered, “Remember the song, Little Honda? ‘First gear, it’s alright, second gear, I’ll lean right, third gear, hang on tight’, well Glen Campbell was the lead guitar player on that record.” The stranger’s eyes glassed over, he mumbled “Oh” and turned to his wife and started discussing something he found more interesting, a tax return perplexing folks at his accounting firm. So before you rush right out and buy a copy of Cocktail Party Cheat Sheets just know a wallflower is considered several steps above being a wellspring of knowledge on matters trivial. And don’t think its just strangers becoming comatose from my conversational crudités. Our family’s other baseball fanatic, grandson Blake, asked “Who did the Rockies play at short before Barmes” “Well Blakester,” I replied, “First it was Freddy Benvinedes and Walt Weiss, then came Neifi Perez, Juan Uribe and Royce Clayton.” ”I meant when Barmes was hurt,” said Blake in all seriousness. “But Grandpa, you know more things I’m not interested in than anybody.” |